Love from Afar
by Ellen Joy Anastacio
February  2003

It's Valentine's Day, everything's rosy, you're in love, and yet, you're…alone?

Sounds familiar? It is for the thousands of couples who have dared to embark in long-distance relationships. Why long distance? For unavoidable circumstances, these couples have to be apart despite the love they feel for each other.

Some met online and cultivated a relationship through the Internet. Some have husbands or boyfriends who left for other countries to help their family improve their way of life. It might even be the flip side, with the women abroad while the men are left behind. Some have been couples for a long time, but due to the family migrating abroad, the boyfriend or girlfriend had to move away from their significant other. Others went away to study. There are a lot of different reasons why couples have had to endure being apart, but have chosen to work hard to keep the relationship as fresh and as loving as ever.

And work hard, they must, because having a relationship is hard enough; having a relationship while the other person is thousands of miles away is even harder. Phone lines are constantly burned, with PLDT, Globe, Smart, AT&T, Bell, and other networks being on the winning end. The sound of each other's voices is treasured like diamonds and front-row seat NBA tickets. E-mail, instant messages, and SMS fly back and forth in a bid to keep the communication going. They surprise each other with gifts or care packages sent through Fedex, postal service, or online gift shops. Pictures are taken and videos are shot to keep the partner up to date.

Really, nothing is impossible, especially if you love each other deeply, but naturally, long distance relationships are very challenging. Diane*, a 23-year old girl whose family migrated to London says, "Not being able to share the simple little everyday things like going home together or malling or watching movies together, not being able to be hugged or cuddled when one has a bad day," are some of the hardest parts of being away from her partner.

Mailes, whose husband works as an OFW adds, "When he is about to leave, it's the hardest thing to accept that I will be alone again. I spend a week of sleepless nights and so much loneliness. And time comes when I desperately miss him or long for him especially when I have problems only to realize that it has to pass without him."

Janie, who's had to get used to her boyfriend being away for the past four and a half year says, "Sometimes, missing him can create such a longing which leads to so much frustration because I know that I can't have him whenever I need him. And if we want to talk, we'd have to spend a lot on our phone bills, which always makes me feel like I'm going bankrupt!"

Lala, meanwhile says, "Sometimes it's so easy to be so paranoid that he's meeting a lot of prettier girls where he is, so I get a bit insecure at times, and this leads to fights. I guess I'll just have to take his word and trust him, I guess!"

To overcome these hardships, couples in long-distance relationships have had to exert more effort to keep their relationship going. Mailes says that she and her husband pray for each other unceasingly. She found out that her husband has learned to be even more patient and understanding than her, especially in her demands on the relationship. Janie says that constant communication is a must, in order to build trust, and to keep growing with each other in the relationship. Diane agrees, saying that whenever they have problems, they always have to talk about it.

She adds, "If things get tough, we remind each other of our love and how we really want the relationship to work. I think communication should always be open, both parties involved should have enough trust in each other and be committed enough to endure the distance."

With all the hard work involved, why do they stay in this kind of relationship? Bottomline is, they love each other. Whether she's in Manila or he's abroad, their love just keeps them going at all times. And of course, there's the hope that they won't be apart forever. Most are planning to be together after a certain period of time, after whatever hindrances are overcome and they can finally be together again.

As Diane says, "Relationships are hard work, LDR is a hundred times more hard work, and if you are not in it for the long haul, don't even think about it."

So if you're in a long distance relationship, don't despair! With a bit of hard work, a lot of trust and communication, and the willingness to stay together, your relationship can work even if you're far away from each other!

And whether you're together or apart, just make the most out of every moment you can spend with your loved one. Don't wait till February 14 to show him or her your love. Make everyday a Valentine's day, and you'll be sure to keep your relationship strong and happy. And isn't that what we all want anyway? ;)

But remember: Distance can't break the strongest of love. But sometimes, even love can't wait forever.

* All the names have been changed.